From the Best Place - The Heart

I call them: The Negative Nellies as I'm sure many of us do. These are the people who never seem to have anything nice or supportive to say. As an entrepreneur, I and many others come across these types everyday, and have for as long as we can remember.

I've spent many years surprised to find that these folks were people who I considered "required" to support anything I imagined. Many years as in: I'm 30 and I'm just figuring it out. Better late than never, right? So what am I talking about by "required?" I'm not necessarily talking about those awesome financial handouts (but I'm also not not-saying that... if that's your boat). I mean the people you  expect will go along with whatever you say just because they're your mom, or your dad, or a sibling, a best-friend - you get the point.

These people have notoriously been the very people that say or do the worst things in regards to your intentions. For some, this is just the right push. These people take on a prove-'em-wrong approach. Some succeed, and some fail. Some won't even try at all. Personally, I've done both; tried and failed, and failed to try at all. At those times the decision never really mattered. Of course, as it is our human nature - especially as we near our 30s - we reflect and maybe even regret. We tell ourselves we can't change the past, and to learn from our mistakes.

In all my failures and reflections I have focused on the lessons - and trust me when I say there's been many, but that's another story and we're talking about support... or lack thereof... On this topic, I have the mother of all lessons, and its this: dismiss their methods and appreciate where it comes from... their love for you.

What? I know, right!

The people who love you the most tend to fear you being hurt by failure. Some people will go t great lengths to prevent you from facing a bad experience. The point is that it comes from their heart; and that they love you enough to stand in your way of "taking a bullet" shows they mean well and will always be there whether you succeed or fail. Count on them for what you know they will do and appreciate the knowledge that it comes from the best place - the heart.


...Of course, sometimes you just have  a real jerk on your hands that just needs to be showed what's up. Haha, I'm just kidding. Among the many lessons I've learned, take time to laugh has always topped the list. ^.~

So You Want To Work From Home

It seems like everyone you talk to these days is an entrepreneur of sorts and they aspire to work from home. To each their own, and for whatever their reasoning - that's great. However you want to roll, right? After talking to so many people who are trying or doing this, I can tell you from both experience and listening that you need to be sure that's the route you want to take.

Why?

Well, simply - if it's not for you, you will go nuts.

So let's put things into perspective by first figuring out why this is the route you want to take. Been out of work for a while? Tired of "dealing" with the stresses of working for someone else? Want more time with the family? You have a great money-making idea? Pretty popular thought processes, aren't they! Well, you are the folks who should probably stick to your day job.

Nothing can seem more tempting than jumping on the next big multilevel marketing thing that pops up; especially when you're down and out about having sent out hundreds of tailor-fitted resumes and either haven't gotten nibbled, or you've been through so many interviews and still haven't gotten that final call back. How about the men and women just trying to find that happy balance between work and home life? Daunting, and yet look at how many people make working from home work, right? Stop and think, though. There is not a career in the world that will pay you to do nothing. You will have to do something in order to make money. It's just that simple. Too many people are sold on this idea that they can buy into some marketing and networking business and it will just magically start accumulating money. It doesn't happen unless you make it happen.

"So what, Sabrina - I'm ambitious and I have a plan." Great! Don't let me squash it, but understand - your plan is nothing until implemented. Does that sound mean or as straight forward as I can put it? I will be the first to tell you how many "plans" I've got that will make life awesome and as glamorous as I imagined. You know what? Not a single one of them will be anything more than a note in my pages without the right resources. Money aside - resources include your time and effort. If you are unwilling to get out there, meet people, and invest in your plan it's just not going to move off that paper on its own.

In the meantime, you're probably beginning to realize how much you really don't want to spend so much time around your family or your home. Sure there's plenty that you could do in a day - like work in the yard, repair a leaky sink, change the oil on your car, play some board games, heck - even homeschool your kids and take them to the park more frequently. That's great for the person who enjoys those things, but if you're not motivated to make your at-home business work, then all that other stuff just becomes stuff you could be doing when you stopped doing everything and anything at all. See what happened there?

"Thanks for busting my bubble, Sabrina." You're welcome. But like any rant I go on, please let me help you with the solution. It's simple. Fill your day and schedule what you've filled your day with. Like a million people before me will tell you - put times to your plans. If you want to play with your kids - awesome - but put it on the schedule for a set time. If you want to create a business, sweet! But, put aside the appropriate time for accomplishing everything you need to in order to get it off the ground. Most importantly, make time for you. My "me-time" is a 30 minute run on my treadmill everyday, and whatever fitness I can fit in between doing everything else on my schedule - like this blog post (but you should totally see me knock out my squats while cooking dinner). Granted, I didn't know the topic until I sat down and wrote it, but I gave myself the time to write something on my blog. Glad am I to say it turned out to be something more than a "hey y'all."

Remember this simple guiding light, though: sacrifice. Your time is not yours alone. It belongs also to those you live with, those you service, and those you haven't even met yet. Now, that doesn't mean you can make everyone else happy, but you can pick and choose what battles you take. Maybe that means you have to wake up earlier, or go to bed later (or not at all). The point is - you have to create the balance. It's not going to happen just because you want it to. Make every minute of your day (and hopefully not all of it, but some part of the night) count for something. And because measuring your success (and hopefully not the lack thereof) is crucial, use a checklist. At the end of everyday look at your list and see what you've accomplished. That will help keep you motivated and satisfied to do just about anything.

That's all the time I have for this today. ^.~ Live productive and awesome lives, y'all and stop holding yourself back.

A Graduated Thought

If you have been keeping up, you know that I recently graduated with my Bachelors from CTU. Now, not to sweep anything under the rug too quickly - I understand this is a big achievement mostly for myself (who really lacked completion early in life...maybe I shouldn't say that...), and not really a big deal to anyone else. Obviously, no one in history is really known for their Bachelor's degree, and in today's workforce it's pretty much SOP to have a Bachelor's degree in something. With so many people holding degrees, we often find ourselves questioning the value of the name and location (or lack thereof) of the school. I have personally thought  very deeply on this topic and have solidified my own opinion - which is mine to have for myself and only shared when I am questioned about it.


 Today I was questioned as to whether my online-school degree was "accepted" at businesses. Now first, let me say - wow! How cool that my opinion matters, because I had a professor tell me that without 3 letters at the end of my name, anything I said would only hold up in a courtroom. O.O Anyway, the short and simple answer to your question is yes and no. Not what you wanted to hear, huh? Like I said, it was going to take more than 140 characters.

First, let me put out a few misconceptions. Online schools are set up to focus on the core material of your degree. Not the insignificant details. However, those details are available in the text books and material provided and you can still (and should) obtain the knowledge with a little investment of your time into the books you're supposed to be reading anyway. I can't tell you how many times I've been approached by students where it is clearly evident that they didn't read the material. The point is - if you're just looking for a degree, there's an app for that. I'm not kidding either - online schools offer apps to make it even more convenient to go to school. If you are looking to cut the shtuff and focus and really invest in your education, you will get out of the material everything that someone going to a brick and mortar school gets - we just get through it faster.

The next thing I want to address is the magic. What magic? Exactly! There's no magical experience at the end of getting your degree. No bright lights, sparkles or tissue paper falling from the ceiling; there's no companies throwing themselves at your feet because suddenly you have a degree. As I stated earlier, that's great - for you. If you thought just by buying the lottery ticket you were going to win - news flash - so did millions of other people. And that's not me being mean. I can't tell you how devastated I was when I received my final grade and there wasn't some big hoopla or a parade coming through. Haha! Kidding. I swear.

Those things cleared, let's revisit the question as to whether or not businesses "accept" my online degree. I will use my personal experience in the past, because currently my position was not exactly hard to get, but that's another post. To keep it short, in January of 2011 I got bored with everything I already had on my plate and wanted to take on more. So I sought out entry-level positions with just about any company that indicated they were a marketing company - don't do that. I applied to six companies and was interviewed by five, and each one was a lobby room of a minimum of 10 other applicants. Signs that the recession hadn't really hurt job availability, but that's another post. ^.~ At the time, all I had was my Associates from CTU, and you can imagine how easily I could write myself off sitting in this room with people who were not only taller than me, but had experience in the field. Did I mention marketing was technically a new field for me? Anyway, quite assured I wasn't going to get any of these jobs, you can imagine how surprised even I was when I actually ended up turning down jobs.

Was it my degree these people were after? My guess is no. Mostly because they never asked to see it. I imagine if I went to work for them, they would have asked for a copy or something. Would they have fired me when they found out I went to school online? I doubt it. I sold them on me - not my degree or the school from which it came.

BUT.... notice I used the big but. The big but is that - I also was not applying to companies like Bane who clearly indicate that they are looking for prestigious school names. They even have recruiters that go to Harvard and Yale. Sure you might get lucky, and I encourage you to try that. My understanding is that persistence pays off; but as awesome as I consider myself to be, we are in a nation full of people swearing the same thing about themselves.

So how do you stand out with an online-school degree? Show them what you learned, how quickly you applied and mastered it, and how ready you are to take that same fast-paced approach to excellence and grow their company. If you're ready to invest in your career, you'll be invested into outshining whatever school name is on anyone else's degree. Besides, it's marketing... if you can't sell yourself, how are you going to sell the company? Right? ^.~

I hope this answers your question, and I hope other recent graduates can take something from this.

What's "wrong" with our youth?

As a parent, I can honestly say that video games, television, and movies all influence our children. To deny it as truth would be a lie on my part as a parent. I watch how my own children respond to what they see on TV--I watch them act like the characters they see on TV. I have let them watch me play video games like Call of Duty and listened as they cheered me on when I reach a new level, blow someone up, or get a new weapon. They play video games like Mario kart, Legend of Zelda, and Lego Batman. Basically, bombs and death are a major component of the video games my kids are exposed to and play. And I agree, it all has an impact on my child's life. But so do I.

Where am I going with this, right?

Well,I play violent video games and watch violence in movies. If you've followed my posts, you know I like "fight" music to get my day started. And here's the frosting on the cake...

I'm also a gun owner. *gasp!*

You know what, though... I'm not eager to use them. The thought of really hurting people does not cross my mind. I don't use my gun to kill mosquitoes or house flies. I don't get the urge to randomly fire my gun in the air. I don't promote the use of guns to my children, but I explain what they are, what they do, and how to safely handle them. 

For the people with this misconceived idea of gun owners--sorry to bust your bubble. However, for the people still keeping up, we have a bigger point to make.

See, I'm a young marketer. And the more this country falls away from a free market, the more screwed I am. So when I see industry after industry attacked for their promotion of "negatively-influencing" products, I have to make a fuss. When I see us moving away from the the very things that make this country "free" I have to interject. When I watch our country's market take blow after blow for each scandal after greed-inspired scandal--I have to speak up. 

Because, here's the truth: the world isn't puppies and kittehs, folks. It was created through violence, turmoil, and tragedy. Death and massacre occur around us daily. When politicians use this to push policies and agendas, the lesser tend to agree with them; seeing only the food that's been put on their plate instead of digging deeper to make an informed decision. Just look at Sandy Hook...or don't and just accept what you've been fed.

So when politicians use these vile images to sell themselves, it's ok. But when video game makers and movie makers decide to exploit this vicious world's flaws, they are blamed as being the creators of the idea itself.

Well, unless videos games and movies found a way back in time; war, death, and violence have been a part of our world since its creation. Stop blaming companies for reproducing the images and "influences" our youths are already exposed to. 

But if we can't blame the makers of violent games and movies, what's really wrong with the children of our country that they can't seem to understand the difference? 

Take a look in the mirror. What are you doing about those influences? Do you think someone didn't tell me that shooting and killing people is unacceptable? Honestly, I don't remember, but someone probably did. A bigger reason I didn't grow up to be insane...my parents. 

Yea, it's the age old blame or thank the parents, right? No. Parents only provide the foundation. It involves a lot of participation to keep kids on the right track. If you're the parent that pretends throwing a kid into sports, or other organizations is enough to satisfy what they want in engagements...well news flash...it's not. And the age old saying that it takes a village--well, it does. Because how many times have you been the parent watching kids go toe-to-toe and decided to watch instead of be involved, because it wasn't your kid? How many times have you been able to provide a positive influence, and instead chose not to? How many have decided video games and movies are a great way to entertain your children without having to actually do something with them? How often have you neglected to hear your child was struggling in a class, or heard, but felt you couldn't help because the material was beyond you? 

The point is, if you push your kid towards these negative things, and you don't fill the gaps with positive anythings--you're going to get a child that demonstrates it in one way or another. Stop blaming companies for having a better grip on your child than you. Stop blaming the manufacturers of games and entertainment for creating evil. That existed long before game makers learned to promote it. Quit attacking gun makers and owners for death, when it's the same weapons that have been used to protect our freedoms. Then, start thinking, and quit letting those freedoms slip away through poor decisions. 

When Midnight Comes Too Soon

I know it's kind of long. You'll live, though. I promise. ^.~ Thanks for being an awesome fan.

Started June 25, 2012

I don’t know why I suddenly decided to sit down and write this. In my entire life I had never considered that one of the more important things I would do would be to write a blurb of an idea that set me on my present course. Hopefully important—not only to me, but to others who may have found inspiration, value, or otherwise meaningful emotions from anything I have ever contributed.

Don’t let the title fool you, this is not a love story; this isn’t a fantasy or sci-fi novel—it isn’t even a fictional story. Oh sure, I may recount references of my life; but only for the purpose of exemplifying my meaning. I can only hope they are recollections of a more humorous time of my life. The point is it’s unlike anything I’ve ever written before, or anything I thought I’d be famous for writing to say the least. Not that I’m trying to suggest I’m famous either—except in my own mind. It’s alright to laugh. I hope you do.

It’s a metaphor. The idea of midnight coming too soon. It’s a metaphor that maybe made you think of Cinderella; but like I said, this isn’t a story of some damsel in distress. I certainly don’t consider myself a damsel in distress either. As a matter of fact, I consider myself to be quite awesome. Again, it’s fine to laugh.

Let’s get to it.

Waiting for Midnight

          My kids said something to me. It was something I have said more times than I can count. I said it throughout my childhood, and I realize I still say it several times a day. I’m thinking it right now, even as I’m writing this. Regardless of how long it has taken me to accomplish this much, I shouldn’t.

          How is it that these three little words can cause us to do things we shouldn’t do, or wouldn’t do, or even prevent us from doing what we want to do?

          I can’t wait. This is how my eight year old and seven year old begin so many of their statements. I can’t wait…

-       I can’t wait until I’m old enough to drive a car

-       I can’t wait for school to be over

-       I can’t wait for that cartoon to come on

-       I can’t wait until Daddy comes home.

It’s been this statement that’s plagued my mind so much that in order to “get over it” I thought I should just write it down; write down all of the things I keep coming back to, all of the events that brought me to this whole new philosophy, all of the things I thought I just couldn’t wait for. Of course, at the time I didn’t think it would turn into this.

          Obviously the idea is just an exaggeration. We can wait, and essential we do and will wait. It’s mostly just something we say when we are excited about something. The only problem with this idea is what we fail to realize every time we think we can’t wait; what we let pass us by because we’re so focused on getting to that place we think we can’t wait to be.

          So my kids have exaggerations about being older; and it’s something we’ve all done as children. As we get to that point, though, we begin realizing how quickly time has passed. That’s when we begin longing for the past, longing for opportunities to make different choices—maybe even go back to the simplicity of being a child.

          Do you remember being a kid? No real worries, no bills, much fewer responsibilities. Maybe it wasn’t always picture perfect. Maybe your parents fought a lot, or maybe you were bullied in school, or maybe you had some strict parents (possibly abusive). The point is you had reasons for thinking the future was forever away.

          I would like to think my own kids have a relatively typical life. My husband and I fight—well… we argue. We’re in that bracket of people who get by week-to-week or month-to-month when we’re lucky. We’re not miserable, though, if that’s what you’re thinking (or hoping). We did, however, take our kids out of public school. It was a tough decision, but we made it. The result is that our kids are no longer exposed to the intense bullying of today’s generation. That’s not to give you the impression that we could afford that decision or that we are somehow afraid of bullying. There were other issues we had with the school system that contributed to our decision. The reason I told you this was simply to give you an idea of how averagely we live (or at least, I believe we are average).

          So when I hear my kids say, “I can’t wait…” I try to help them see the things they are obviously missing right in front of them. After all, there are not many people I know that would say if given the chance to go back to their youth, knowing the things they know now, wouldn’t only go back, but would do things slightly different. Maybe they don’t admit they would do things differently, but let’s be honest; there are some choices everyone has made in their life that they change. No one wants to admit that kind of stuff because of the doors it opens (especially with spouses).

          Anyway, I’m not so foolish to think that anything I say to my kids will actually get through to them. Not at this age at least. I didn’t listen to everything my parents told me until it was too late, and I can only expect the same hard-headedness from my offspring. I won’t entirely throw my husband under the bus, but I’m sure there’s a bit of contribution in there from him, too.

In any event, I’m their teacher on top of being their mother. I tell them to stop waiting for midnight; it will come. In the meantime, enjoy right now. Do what’s in your ability to live for this moment, because when it’s gone it’s the only thing you’ll want.

          The first time I said this to them they asked me, “What does that have to do with midnight?” I think this is also the point where they tune me out, but I explain anyway:

          Cinderella was given an opportunity to live a little. But it was a limited time offer, right? She only had until midnight. Now, everyone knows the story—she went out and had a wonderful time, and in the end she married a prince and lived happily ever after. Suppose, instead, that Cinderella had sat around with her rat friends, just watching the clock, and not doing the things that she did with the time she had. Would she have become a princess? Would she be living the rest of her life in a castle? Most likely not.

          Of course, I add all kinds of details about how Cinderella made herself beautiful and made a dress. The result of this is my oldest boy telling me, “yea, but we’re not girls going to balls. And we don’t wear dresses!” Of course my seven-year old starts cracking up because he thinks it’s amusing that his brother said balls. I tend to forget I’m dealing with seven and eight-year olds, but when I remember I try to paint a simpler image. It’s summer break, so they are allowed to stay up until midnight (if they can make it that late). So I say to them, “Midnight is coming and you’ll be in bed soon. What are the things you can do before bed, or before midnight?”

          They’ll give me a list of cartoons they can watch, present the idea of putting on a movie, tell me about toys they could play with, or computer games they could enjoy. They avoid anything like reading a book or doing something productive, because they know I’d encourage that. Next, I’ll say to them, “So what are you going to do?”

          They shrug. Part of me wonders if they do that just to test me, but it doesn’t matter. It allows me to make my point. “So you’re just waiting for midnight, then?”

          For my kids, and for many of us as we were kids (and maybe still), summer lasts forever—at least until it’s time to go back to school. It’s so innocent, so childish to think this way. We think opportunity will last forever and we wait to take advantage of it. The truth is, midnight will come. It always comes. The opportunity to do something will pass, and when it’s all gone all we have to back on is the time we let slip by. Unfortunately, we tend not to comprehend this until we reach a certain age in life. The few of us that can understand and act upon these ideas early on are the truly fortunate ones who tend to generate the most success.

          If you’re like me, though, and this concept has eluded you for most of your life, don’t worry—there’s still time. Thanks to modern technology and science people are living much longer. That may not be very comforting either, especially if you’re still just waiting for midnight at this stage of your life.

          Now, I’m not a liar, and I feel I have to admit certain truths. That being said, it’s important that I admit that much of this philosophy was fueled by greed. I’ve never been rich. My parents weren’t rich growing up, and I certainly wasn’t brought up living richly. In fact, we didn’t live much differently than I currently live. For the most part, my parents kept the roof over our heads, food on the table, gas in the car (which was much cheaper, though), and once in a blue moon my brother and I got a bonus—like a toy or a book we wanted. We weren’t poor. We made it to Disney many times (and only at the expense of paying bills).

          However, my brother and I can recall spending three years in south Florida without air conditioning during the summer and heat in the winter because our dad thought he was sticking it to the electric company. We look back and laugh now, and sometimes even remind our own kids of just how easy and nice they have life; but back then we just sweated our butts off and felt miserable.

          Anyway, having grown up middle-class and continuing to be middle-class made me realize how much I hated being middle-class. After all, I didn’t grow up imagining how nice it would to live like I grew up, or how great it would be to get hand-me-down clothes. I imagined living in a mansion and having fancy dinner parties, always having fabulously new dresses and shoes, and getting my hair and nails done by professional people.

          When I was 27, and out of a job, I began to wonder why I wasn’t any of those things. That’s when I really began reflecting on my life and realized: here I was—a Cinderella (figuratively…mostly). Instead of getting up and going to the ball, though, I was doing the things that would just get me by. I was just watching the clock tick away until it hit midnight.

          As I thought about the time I wasted doing nothing, the many opportunities (oh man, how many there were) I let slip away—it dawned on me that looking back and regretting had to stop. I wish I could say this was a quick process, but it wasn’t. It took time to get over stupid mistakes I made. I still think about some of them. I know I can’t change them, though. What I can do is recall how much it killed me to think about what was gone, and instead of wallowing in self-pity, turn that junk into the fuel that will ensure I never let another opportunity pass again.

          Are you waiting for midnight to come? Are you expecting that once it gets here things will magically get awesome? Unless you’re a character in a Disney classic, or have some kind of big inheritance coming, midnight will come, but there won’t be anything magical. If you want that magical, even fairytale-ish thing to happen in your life, you have to have a big hand in it. You have to make the magic for yourself. If you’re not doing something yet—working towards something—it’s time to start. If you are working towards something—great! I hope this will become something that helps inspire and support you along the way, when you struggle, and when you run into doubt.